Divorce brings on so many challenges, especially when you have children, whether they are infants, toddlers, school age or adults. I know, because after 27 years of marriage I found myself single.
During the divorce process I wrote my graduate school thesis on what other…. The Effects of Divorce on Adult Children. The research at that time did not exist. So I studied the effects on younger children and then interviewed adult children of divorce. To my surprise the affect was the same.
When my paper was returned to me, my professor commented, “Either people will think you are crazy or brilliant!” Why? Because the thesis designed a program to help parents to cooperatively co-parent their children. Would you believe that was back in 1993, not so long ago… and this was considered a new concept.
Well, now many people talk about how important it is for parents to be able to cooperatively co-parent, but few actually walk their talk. The purpose of this blog is to provide a place for you to give voice to practical ways to accomplished a positive coexistence with your former spouse and to help others do the same because when you are family to your children you always are family to each other.
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Question: I was just wondering if there were any statistics regarding the quality of a childs education when he/she has to spend time at different parents houses during the school week versus staying all week with one parent.
Answer: Lester that is such a good question and a very difficult one to measure.
There are so many parameters.
Does the child have a quiet space at each house to study and do homework.
Do both parents have a cooperate structure in place.
Do each of the parents spend time helping the children with homework?
Are both parents involved with the children’s education in a supportive way?
How old are the children?
Do the parents ask the child for feedback?
Do the parents listen to the children’s opinion?
Here is information that I found by doing a search for
divorce statistics living in different homes during school week
Family Deverlopment Fact Sheet:
1. Split week arrangement. One parent has the children Sunday through Tuesday, the other Wednesday through Saturday. This arrangement means parents must live close to each otherwithin the same school district. This structure may help children feel secure because they truly have two parents and two homes. Yet, going back and forth between two homes mightbe difficult for children and parents.
This arrangement is better suited for children seven yearsof age and older. It doesn’t usually work for young children. The specific temperament, age,and needs of the child also should be considered. Children must have the flexibility andresiliency to make frequent transitions.
The split week arrangement is best for cooperative former spouses. It is not the best arrangement if there is a lot of parental conflict.
Studies show that this arrangement has been overprescribed and many couples have been pressured to adopt it. It is important to think about how well parents handle their differences and the needs of the children.
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June is the official start of summer vacation for most kids. However, it is also the beginning of two and a half months of scheduling drama for many divorced families. This year instead of stressing over your children and divorce take advantage of the strengths of your divorced family unit.
The first strength that you can use when trying to figure out your family’s summer schedule is the expansiveness of your family and friends network. Not only do you have family members and friends that can help you drive kids to activities, pick them up, provide child care and provide supervision while you are at work, but you can also turn to the people in your former spouse’s life that can also provide these services. To make this situation work you will need to find people in your communal circle of relations that are trustworthy and who are willing to pitch in.
Developing a call tree of potential babysitters, drivers and supervisors is a good idea for divorced families. This tree will include the person’s name, their relationship to one of the parents or kids and what they can help you with. You will also want to include their phone number and home address.
If you are interested in designing a calling tree then you will want to get together with your exspouse and come up with numbers and people to add to your tree. You can create your calling tree in a word processor and print out a copy for each parent. You can also add lines to the side of the tree for write ins.
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Divorce mediation can be an effective tool for keeping things civil during one of the most difficult times in your life. However, if you go into the process expecting it to fail then it will. The key to making divorce mediation affective is to be flexible, to be prepared and to focus on what is important, your kids’ happiness.
The first thing that you can do to help ensure that your divorce mediation is successful is to understand what the process involves. Next you will want to prepare everything that you need to complete each step of the mediation process. For example, you will want to gather financial documents that you will need for completing the legal paper work, you will want to create a list of the issues that you are not willing to negotiate and you will need to create a list of the issues that you are willing to negotiate.
Another way that you can make the divorce mediation process go smoother is to get plenty of sleep. When you don’t get enough sleep your mind doesn’t work properly and your perception of your situation can be impaired. An inadequate amount of sleep can also make you emotional unstable. This will complicate the mediation process by making your reactions to challenges illogical and irrational. To avoid these problems try to get at least eight hours of sleep a night. If you are feeling overly tired and run down then also try adding an hour nap during the day, for example, you can sleep during your lunch hour. This little cat nap will refresh you and help you to deal more effectively with the stress associated with getting a divorce.
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Counseling benefits for divorced children come in many varieties. First it counseling can be used to help children to make the adjustments that they need to accept their parents’ divorce and to build coping skills. Secondly it can be used to help children to deal with their emotions, and thirdly it can be used to help them manage their on-going concerns and problems that have developed because of the divorce.
In addition to helping children deal with their challenges, counseling can also be used to help families adjust to their new dynamics. Counseling can be used to help resolve child custody and parenting conflicts, it can be used to help parents to develop effective communication skills and it can also be used to help divorced parents to develop an effective parenting plan that will improve the quality of life that their kids have.
Parents too can benefit from the assistance of a counselor. There are a lot of changes that come with divorce. With this change comes stress, emotional trauma and functional problems. A counselor can help parents to learn how to be a divorced parent and a divorced adult. They can address organizational issues that the parent is having, such as scheduling organization, they can address personal goal issues, such as setting new personal and professional goals, and they can also address relationship issues, such as when to start dating again and how to go about finding a new relationship.
What do you think about counseling? Do counselors offer a valuable service or are they a waste of money? Let us know your opinion!
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If you are divorced and thinking about re-entering the dating world once again you may be wondering how to go about it. Well there really is no correct way to start dating again. Some people jump in to the dating pool right after their divorce is finalized, some start before their divorce is final and some wait for months after their divorce before they start dating again.
A lot of people find it helpful to test the waters before they take the plunge. To do this you will want to find a social event that you can attend that will give you the opportunity to meet with people that have similar interests as you. For example, you can attend a book reading, your can attend a mixer at your church or synagogue or you can attend a holiday party. Fortunately, St. Patrick’s Day is only a couple of days away. This means that there will be a lot of party’s and community events that you can attend.
While St. Patrick’s Day parties can be great places to meet new people, the meeting is only half the battle. You also need to learn how to attract women or attract men, depending on what you are interested in. The key to attracting potential dates is to present yourself in the best way possible. This means that your appearance is put together, that you are self-confident and that you are friendly.
Do you have tips for meeting people after you get divorced? Do you have a party or mixer that you would like to tell other divorcees about? Post your comments below.
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