As discussed in earlier blogs, divorce can have several effects on children and their development. One of the effects that can develop is a child’s ability to connect with other people and to develop healthy caring relationships. Problems in relationship development skills usually can be avoided if you make sure that your relationship with your child is strong before, during and after your divorce.
The first thing that you can do to ensure that your child does not develop relationship issues because of your divorce is to lead by example. Try not to instigate problems between you and your former spouse during or after your divorce. For example, don’t make false accusations, threaten them or use your kids to force them to react in a negative manner. Next, try to stay focused on what is best for your kids and work together with your former spouse to develop a parenting system that will preserve a functional family unit.
In addition to maintaining a positive relationship with your former spouse, you will also need to work on your relationship with your children. By providing them with a secure relationship with you, and by allowing them to have a secure relationship with their other parent, you are reinforcing the idea that caring, supportive relationships are both important and possible. Do what you can to ensure that these relationships are possible and that they will succeed.
The affects of divorce on children can be either short term or long term. The key is making positive effects long term and negative effects short term by developing strategies for managing the challenges presented by children and divorce. Return next week for a discussion on selecting a divorce mediation specialist.
Monica Epperson
February 10th, 2008 at 13:07
I really appreciate the awareness and time put into keeping moms and dads aware of divorce and the long-standing effects.
I have written a children’s picture book, A Heart With Two Homes, that has just been published. My personal goal was to use my experiential wisdom and public school teaching experience to educate and equip children to reconcile their often two homes and two personalities as a result of divorce.
Andy from Child Trust Fund
July 23rd, 2009 at 09:12
You make some good points here. If dealt with in the right way (by both parents) I don’t think a divorce needs to affect children that much. It’s very important that parents work together for the children’s sake.
Madeline
August 1st, 2009 at 17:15
Divoce is always going to affect children because they automatically go through the mourning process. It is an unconscious breaking-up of the family’s energy pattern.
Madeline
August 1st, 2009 at 17:15
Pawan, and what do you have to add?
mike from save your marriage
August 19th, 2009 at 07:00
Children do make it through divorce but there will always be the scars. But you are right the relationship of children to both parents must be kept as well as possible.
I think of the Reba show and the strange relationship between Reba and her Ex’ new wife.
Get Back Your Ex Girlfriend
September 22nd, 2009 at 09:35
It’s sad how many people can’t maintain a positive relationship with a former spouse simply because of bitterness or spite. Putting the kids first is always the most important thing. Giving them both male and female positive role models is second.
Your own resentment toward your ex? Wayyyyyyy down there on the list.
monika from OFAC compliance
November 6th, 2009 at 13:49
I agree with what your saying. My Dad’s parents stayed together for the kids, although they were arguing all the time. And this affected him and his sister more than if they had just got divorced. An unhappy family atmosphere isn’t going to help the children.
Although parents divorcing is bound to affect children in some way, there are ways of dealing with it that will not hurt them too much. For example not arguing in front of them and not critising the other parent in front of them.
phone coaching
December 17th, 2009 at 22:24
Relationship is a very sensitive thing and if any child faced that thing in their childhood then it is really a serious problem because he or she will not easily make the relationship. Anyways keep it up and keep continue.
stela from OFAC solution
January 14th, 2010 at 17:29
well i think its really a nice post and i advise to all parents that must read this post in order to make their children relationship bond more secure in future. since child learn what they see in home so stop fighting and don’t result into divorce.
Relationship problem advice
February 18th, 2010 at 10:52
Relationship is a bond or connection you have with a person or other people. Divorce between parents always affect on their children nature. Children face lots of problem in their life. Depression is one of them, most of the children go into depression they don’t talk with anyone even their parent also. Divorce is very badly affects on children nature.
brian from control jealousy
February 24th, 2010 at 11:23
Good post and advice here
Having recently split with my wife I find that I needed to have a positive relationship towards her for my daughters sake. I do this because breaking up is hard enough and especially with children invloved. I hope to not cause to much emotional scarring in my daughter and hope she can form good realationships in the future
jinnie from Austin child support
March 13th, 2010 at 11:26
All children react differently to their parents getting divorced. All you can do is try to deal with the situation as best you can and try to keep the children out of it. Unfortunately it’s not always that simple.
Katelyn from casementwindow-airconditioner.com
July 12th, 2010 at 14:20
Many divorced parents are no aware that their child can all bare the consequences. Both parents must realize their mistakes.
Ian Joan
December 8th, 2011 at 10:27
The pain of devorce for a child never goes away. Your website helps. Thanks!
ray from make money online trading
December 9th, 2011 at 13:21
the effects of instability is a big issue ……… kids always have to be though about and looked after………..
Ray from Singles Dating
December 22nd, 2011 at 23:32
The rules seem to always be changing when it comes to first dates. What may have been done twenty years ago may seem dated and out of touch in today’s modern world. But displaying good manners on a date remains consistent in any year. It is important to treat your date with respect and to be genuinely interested in what they have to say.