Now that Thanksgiving is over my thoughts naturally drift to the upcoming holidays including Christmas, Hanukkah and the New Year. If you are a divorced family, or a family going through a divorce, then the holiday season may not be your favorite time of year because of the stress related to who gets the kids on which holiday. If you are in this boat you’re not alone. I am in this boat with you. However, I have found a few ways to get through the holiday stress with minimal damage.
The most important thing that I think divorced parents need to understand is that holidays are just days with special meanings attached to them. You can have just as good a time with your kids on any other day if you put in the effort. If you are upset that you won’t be with your kids this Christmas or Hanukkah then create your own special “holiday” on a day that you are together and then celebrate with your kids on that day.
Trading off on holidays is the norm for divorce parents, however, this arrangement is not always the best arrangement. If the every other holiday pattern is not working for you or your kids then consider holding a family meeting where both parents and the kids get together to plan out the year. If you have teenagers then see what plans they have and what they would like to do over their holiday vacations. However, don’t ask them “who would you rather be with over Christmas break?” Especially in front of the other parent. Working together as a family to plan your holiday schedules is going to help your divorced family produce a schedule that will make everyone a lot happier.
The happiest divorced families are the ones where children and divorced parents work together as a unit. By learning how you can minimize traumatic affects of divorce on children and how to deal with the issues related to children of divorce you will improve the chances that your divorce family unit will remain functional. AND your adult children of divorce will be happy and healthy.
