1 commentChildren of divorce undoubtedly are faced with added stress and problems. However, as a parent you can make things worse by trying to be their friend, as opposed to being their parent. Problems develop when divorced parents try to be friends with their kids when they stop setting boundaries for their kids and when they try to buy their children’s affection and loyalty.
Developing a strong bond with your kids is important to do regardless if you are married or divorced. Kids need to feel like they can turn to you if they need advice, if they are having troubles with something or even if they had a great day at school and want to share it with someone. In return, parents need to acknowledgement from their kids that they too are loved and appreciated. Developing these bonds requires work and it requires effort.
When you get a divorce panic often clouds your judgement as a parent. You may feel threatened by your exspouse and their new romantic relationships, and you may feel that your kids are going to abondon you. As a result you may attempt, out of desperation, to buy their affection and loyalty. While this may work in the short term it is not going to be a healthy step in your relationship.
When kids are faced with parents that are trying to win their loyalty with things or with overly permissive parenting, they are confused and traumatized. This is because they are being taught that love and acceptance is based on what the other person gives to them. They may also develop the notion that material gifts are what signify love and affection, as opposed to true and meaningful expressions of love. This view on relationships is going to make it difficult to find a relationship that is above the material.
