Children of Divorce
The Light at the End of the Tunnel

The prospect of divorce seems unlikely when you are first married. The emotional bond that you have to your spouse seems unbreakable. However, statistics show that nearly 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. If you are considering a divorce, or if you are in the process of divorcing your spouse and you have kids, then you need to make sure that you deal effectively with your children and divorce both during and after your marriage’s dissolution.

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Traditionally divorce has been dealt with in a manner that made keeping the family unit together nearly impossible. As a result, many children of divorce developed emotional and mental illnesses that impacted the rest of their lives. Today child psychologists have re-evaluated what children need to adjust positively to divorces. What they suggest is that the divorcing parents need to work with their children and include them in discussions so that they can find a way to work together to adjust to the challenges of being a family of divorce.

Talking to children of divorce is an important step that can help to ease the fears that they have about being abandoned by one or both parents and fears that they have about the changes that they will have to deal with. Discussions need to be open, it is important to include both parents and they must be focused on reassuring their kids that they will not be abandoned, that they were not the cause of the divorce and that they will continue to be loved and supported by their parents.

As a parent it is wise for you to encourage your children to express their feelings about the divorce and about the changes that are going to be made because of the divorce. If you have young children then you may want to help them express their feelings through a non-verbal way, such as through children’s artwork.

Child custody is a big issue that you need to deal with when divorcing. To create a schedule that will work for everyone involved and to ensure that both parents are actively involved in their children’s lives, you need to create a parenting plan that is balanced and fair.

A good parenting plan divides the children’s time between parents in a way that provides each parent with quality time with their kids for bonding and sharing and it should also address how parents can contact their kids when they are under the other parent’s care without disrupting the life of that custodial parent.

The strength of the family unit must be the focus when negotiating a divorce that involves children. If there are bad feelings between the two divorcing spouses then a mediator may be a good option to keep the negotiations focused on what is important.

A mediator with experience working with family divorces can help you to establish safeguards in your parenting custody plan that will help you to avoid unpleasant confrontations with your ex-spouse in front of the children and they can also help you to figure out a way to put your differences aside so that you can still raise your children together.