Divorce Effects on Children
How to Spot the Warning Signs

Divorce effects on children come in a variety of packages. If they are not identified and addressed properly they can lead to serious, long term problems related to children and divorce that will follow your kids through the rest of their lives.

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The problem that a lot of parents have is knowing what signs, symptoms and behaviors are caused by the divorce and what are simply caused by normal childhood developments. The only way to ensure that you address all the effects of divorce on children is to learn how to identify common signs that your children are having a difficult time adjusting to the changes caused by the divorce.

The first sign that your children may be having a hard time dealing with the effects of your divorce is by withdrawing for social activities and from family activities. A lot of kids who are outgoing and playful can become sullen, quiet and withdrawn after a divorce. This is because they don’t understand why their world has been turned upside down and perhaps they even feel like they may have been the cause of the split up. In this case you will want to reach out to your child and offer them your unconditional love and support.

You may also want to initiate a discussion on divorce and feelings. If this does not help you may want to go to a family counselor who has experience dealing with depression in kids.

The next sign that your children are not adjusting well to the effects of your divorce is that their behavior has gotten worse. They may get into fights, neglect their chores, use bad language and ignore household rules. They may also test their boundaries and try to get away with murder. They may also try to play one parent against another.

For example they may break a rule and justify the infraction by blaming the incident on the other parent by saying something like "dad doesn’t make me go to bed at 9."

Divorce effects on children can also manifest themselves as school problems. Their school performance may be slipping, they may fail to turn in their assignments or they may act up at school. All of these signs are symptoms that your children are having a hard time dealing with your new family structure.

To deal with these effects divorce has on children, you will need to talk with your children’s teachers to figure out if the school problems are caused by the divorce or by some other factors. Once a caused is discovered a proper solution can be found. You may want to discuss the problems with the school counselor. They should be able to help you figure out a solution that will improve the situation at home and at school.

While a lot of the signs parents look for are negative behaviors, positive behaviors can also be a sign that your child is having a hard time coping with the effects of your divorce. For example the oldest sibling may start taking on all of the household chores and take charge of the younger kids.

Most single parents would praise this behavior and except it without question, however, it may not be in your child’s best interest to accept this help without asking why they are suddenly being so helpful.

The older child may feel abandoned by the parents and as a result they have taken on the role of parent to their siblings. If you ignore their emotional needs for nurturing you may be robbing them of their childhood and you could be setting them up for relationship problems of their own.

To deal with the effects caused by this problem you need to think them for their help and let them know how much you appreciate them. Then ask them what you can do for them. Ask them about how they are feeling and ask them what they need to help them get through this rough spot. This must be done in privacy and away from your other children. This simple step can help to reduce the negative effects on the older child, and it can also help to re-establish yourself as the parental figure and as the nurturer.

Research related to children and divorce: Did you know that there was a study done with 3 people who were the only ones in the room. Each of the 3- people were seated so each person faced 2 people. No one spoke or made gestures. After two minutes, the person with the strongest feelings, positive or negative, triggered the same emotions in the other two people.

This is not surprising, for if you studies quantum physics you would know that the energy of thought is the strongest communication tool.