Young Children and Divorce

Young children and divorce are hard to combine. As a parent you feel guilty for putting them through the stress and strain of divorce, however, you know that your divorce is better for the health of the family unit in the long run. To make sure that you are able to help your young kids through the lifestyle and emotional changes that will be needed to adjust to the new family structure, you need to understand what strategies are appropriate for your kids’ ages. Here are some ways to deal with young children and divorce.

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The first thing that you need to address when you have young children and you are getting a divorce is your own emotional stability and health. Young kids pick up on your emotional stress and it affects their mental and emotional health. One effective way to support your emotional health is to create a support network. This network should include close friends, family members and mental health professionals.

Counseling is a good option to help you identify underlying issues that you are masking with anger or a false smile. Counselors can also help you to work your way through feelings of anger, resentment, betrayal, abandonment and grief. If you go to a church then your pastor or minister can also be a great source for emotional and spiritual support during and after your divorce.

After you have taken care of yourself you next need to figure out what emotional and developmental strategies are appropriate for your kids’ ages and developmental stages. For kids under the age of 2 you will want to focus on maintaining their normal routine when they are with you and when they are with your ex-spouse. This will help them to adjust better to the changes in their physical environments. It will also help them to know exactly what to expect which will help to alleviate some of the anxiety that they may be feeling.

Another way to help ease separation anxiety while young children are with one parent and away from the other is to keep a photograph of the missing parent at the home of the custodial parent in the child’s room. When they are lonely for the other parent they can look at the photograph. Having a comfort item like a special blanket or a toy that they can transport with them between their parents’ homes can also help to create a sense of security, familiarity and comfort for young children.

Helping your young children to express their feelings is an important step to take when divorcing. Because young children have a hard time expressing themselves verbally you may need to introduce games and non-verbal activities that will allow them to share their feelings about the divorce with you. Art work, role playing games with dolls and telling stories are all good ways to help your young child tell you how they are feeling and help you gauge the affects of divorce on children.

In addition to all of these suggestions you may also want to ensure that there is consistency in your children’s lives. No matter if they are at mom’s house or dad’s house there needs to be similar rules and similar consequences. This will help the young child to figure out what is expected of them and what happens when they break a rule.

It is important to address behavioral issues as they develop, however, it is also important to understand the differences between acting up and acting out. If your child is acting up then the normal punishments should be applied, however, if the child is acting out because they are frustrated or sad then you need to address their emotional state by comforting them and helping them work through their feelings. If you don’t know how to do this then you may want to talk with a child psychologist or a children’s mental health specialist. We hope that we addressed some of the challenges that you may encounter when it comes to young children and divorce, because they to need some special attention.